I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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