i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize