So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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