now i know why i became what i already was.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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