The maid of honor just puked.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
