whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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