This is not my ceiling
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
