we're chasing vodka with high fives
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
