i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
