It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
