Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There's even glitter on my cock...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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