if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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