someone get that fucking seahorse.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
