the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
