i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
