hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
