should my penis look like a turkey
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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