Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
