I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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