It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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