Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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