he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
