i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
