Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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