A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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