I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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