you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
