If i come over, it means nothing
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
