The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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