mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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