Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
