well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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