so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
