I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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