If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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