you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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