All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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