Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
