I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
