you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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