I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
only if we run a train.
done.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
