i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
