and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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