sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I intend to get homeless drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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