I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They took my balls.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
