TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
