Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
