Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
