i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
