and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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