I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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