Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
