I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
