I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
