I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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