I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
