I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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