we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
