The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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