I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
