i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
