also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
