He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize