I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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