The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
