New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
