peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
