That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
