You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
