So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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