Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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