Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
