sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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