I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
