she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
